so he's thinking for himself now?
by lolipop12999
Summary: tanaka-centric introspection about his morality or, a drabble that got mildly out of hand (noragami ajin au! check what i wrote at the end!)


Maybe he was touched by _liberation_ by his last master (something the Gods never spoke about, always in hushed whispers with each other, never with their _shinki_ ), maybe that's the reason he's always so _tense._

(A small slip-up, his master was inexperienced, _misguided_. Didn't listen to his instincts, figured, " _What's the worst that could go wrong?_ ")

Maybe he didn't break after liberation.

(But it nearly went so wrong. It _could've_ gone so wrong. _His master was lucky to have a strong one like Tanaka_ , other gods say. _He's lucky Tanaka didn't cross the line._ )

Maybe _karma_ is peeking its way out of his body—but not yet.

He hasn't reached the point yet. _Not there yet._ (Hasn't crossed _, won't_ cross)

(He makes karma _into_ something. Anger, boiling, festering at the human race. " _How could they do that to me_ ," He's growling, without even knowing what occurred to him. Only traces of his death in his mind, yet he's sure, _positive_. Satou likes the anger in him when he first sees him, likes how he's manipulated karma into something for his own gain. To _survive_.)

—*—

Maybe when Satou names him, he witnesses something—something he's never really seen before.

Not in his past life,

(Can't remember enough to recall, blurry images, nightmares keeping him up, but keeping him _going,_ )

And not from the lives he's killed,

(Too many, _far_ too many, has never noticed it, doesn't want to _think_ about them—)

He sees [—]

In some cases, it's innocent. A mother [xxx] their child.

In others, more sinister. A mob boss "[xxx]" a client.

Rarely, pitiful. A man asking for [xxx]—something he doesn't deserve, but requests regardless.

Tanaka sees something he's never seen before—[forgiveness].

—*—

He doesn't know what to do about it.

What is it?

Why do they do it?

…

Did it happen to me?

Satou doesn't like where Tanaka's going with these thoughts—can feel the sting about to occur— _there_ , on the back of his neck.

He tries to convince tanaka that nobody deserves forgiveness,

(Can feel Tanaka remembering _more_ , the nightmares more _frequent_ , more _prominent_ —)

That they only _deserve_ the release of death.

Tries to make it logical—death of humans would result in more shinki's, provided they weren't corrupted by _ayakashi._

(Only to prevent him from crossing _that line_ , that _damned_ line that always turned them into _demons beyond repair._ )

Tanaka won't _budge._

( _Well, it's not like he's cared about a shinki's welfare either way_ , Satou hums. _He'll kill them just as easily as any other human. Nothing special._ )

He forms a moral compass, a conscience, a reason—( _Something he should've had_ , he realizes in hindsight, _but was never given one. Didn't get the chance to form one before his life was over_.)

"I don't want to hurt this woman,"

"He didn't deserve that!"

" _Just_ _let these people go_!"

Satou puts up with a few stings until _enough_ is _enough._

—*—

Satou has two options:

Liberation / Freedom

Does he plummet Tanaka into a cavern with no known escape, risk the _highly_ _likely_ possibility of corrupting the world with yet another ayakashi ( _Liberation_ ),

Or does he send him away, banish him, promise to kill him the next time he sees him, with the next name he's given ( _Freedom_ ),

Chooses the latter, begrudgingly, "Aw, Tanaka-kun, you would've made a great _hafuri_. Too bad," A smile, no joy behind it. "You chose to become more human when you're already dead."

(Doesn't choose to mention that the amount of shinki he's let die in effort of getting a hafuri is _damn_ _near_ close to the number of humans he's killed.)

Tanaka knows he doesn't really care either way, thinks its reversed when it comes to them, their shinki-god connection. Is just saying it for pleasantries, for the sake of speaking. _Dramatic as always, Satou-san._

—*—

Nagai finds him later on, running from an ayakashi.

No name on him (not any that he can see), a free spirit.

Nakano makes him save him. Tries to make him _name_ him.

"I don't need another shinki, Nakano,"

(Too daft to understand the hidden meaning, subtle, but _there._ )

An argument arises between them. It always does, occurs at the worst moments, the most inconvenient times.

( _He just wants to help people, is that so wrong?_ )

"He was with Satou! He knows his way of thinking!"

Tanaka doesn't know what to do, again. Stuck between intervening in the argument, caused by his mere presence, or running, away from the ayakashi, from another disappointment in a master.

They're arguing now, petty squabbles. It's common for them. They've been doing it since the beginning.

It's almost a comfort for them.

And the ayakashi is still in pursuit of Tanaka, but far away. Not close enough to smell them, but attempting. (Failing, _frustration_ and _hunger_ being its driving point.)

Tanaka doesn't want to stick around for when it notices, tries to leave without ever being _invited._

Nakano notices. _Of course,_ he notices.

"Hey! Don't you want a name?"

 _Nakano_ , annoyance, from the God's direction, _I choose whether I want to name him, not the other way around,_ but no words have left his mouth. Awaiting his reply.

And Tanaka replies, regardless, knowing he doesn't make the choice,

"[—]"

It doesn't bother Nagai. He doesn't have [ _morals_ ] to begin with—(" _Everything a God does is righteous,_ " A constant reminder in his mind. A God can't give _in_ to sin, only shinki's, former humans)—knows it's one of the things that he and Satou are on the same page on.

Nakano isn't as passive, as willing.

"Don't you feel anything for the ones you've killed?!"

Nagai grabs the back of his neck, the sting about to appear but not there yet,

 _Buzzing,_ just beneath the surface. _Not yet_.

(His chest feels _tighter_ , his heart _heavier_ , his eyes are blurry and clogged with unspent tears. But not _his._ )

He takes the silence as a firm _no,_

Doesn't know that its hesitation instead.

"No wonder Satou had you as his shinki," Contempt, disgust, animosity, all at once, "You've got no _fucking_ remorse. You're a monster, just like him."

Nakano's a _hafuri_. Tanaka isn't.

The ayakashi's found them, the trio of oddballs.

Nagai calls for Nakano, _Chuuki_ , exterminates the ayakashi efficiently.

(It calls for its friends with its last dying breath, continues their battle, further brings their attention _away_ from Tanaka.)

It reminds Tanaka of Satou, with humans. It's not a pleasing thought.

—*—

When they're done, Tanaka is gone.

Nakano says they're better off without him, "The _scum_. Just like his shitty master,"

Doesn't mention he thinks the same of his own master. Unspoken words, [but they both _know_ ] settling in the air.

Nagai's impassive.

* * *

A/N: okay so i DID originally delete this, like, a day after i posted it, but i decided to re-upload it just cus i can! anyway, hope you enjoyed this really weird crossover that makes no sense ^_^ (ignore my overuse of parentheses and italics okay it's Art In Its Own Way) also i lost the pic i used for this fic originally so now it's blank xD


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